Somehow when she died I thought I'd lost all my sexual urges with her. I guess not, but they had definitely been repressed until now. I cleaned up and quickly fell asleep.The next day's drive started uneventfully. Everyone was tired of driving every day and the girls all snoozed on and off while I drove for the next ten hours. Every now and then Alexis or Natasha would ask me innocent questions now. What's my favorite color, or food, or when's my birthday. I answered them honestly, but they were just being polite until they thought it was safe to move to the more interesting questions. How old was I when kissed a girl, saw one naked, had sex the first time. I tried to deflect these ones with, "Older than you," or "That's a little personal," but they eventually wore me down with sharing their own stories of first kisses with boys behind the gym or on the back of the bus, so I reciprocated with my first kiss story, that had Alexis and Natasha eagerly listening behind me. . I didn’t find that a disturbing development because she had the tempting attraction of youth and almost virginal inexperience whilst my confidante Kate was the giver of life and love to my failing systems in a serious downhill slide into the unknown “other side”.I hoped that I was being premature in my frank assessment of my future chances but the doctors had been quite expressive in their prognosis of my remaining life span. Sure, it was all a matter of geography and life-style but the bottom-line was staring me in the face and leaving me with no long-range plans at all.I guess that is the reason why I took the risks that I did because the thought of going out in a blaze of gunfire and flying balls of lead was more enticing than slowly wasting away in some dirty hotel room with some pain easer by my bed and an open bible in my hand. I knew that my excesses with Kate and the fresh new faces of frontier womanhood were certainly not a cure for my deadly disease and in fact were.
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